You should try something at least three times before you decide if you like it or not.
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A few years ago, my wife decided to make a drastic change in her diet and only eat meals prepared using whole ingredients. Her cooking skills were limited at the time, and we quickly realized that she would need a lot of practice before her new, healthy meals were going to taste good. A few years and many botched meals later, her healthy cooked meals are fantastic! Also, she’s lost about 140lbs in part because of her healthy diet!
If she had given up after the first few botched meals, she would have never achieved the benefits of sticking with it. The same principle applies to your marriage bed. If you don’t give a new technique or type of stimulation a chance, you could miss out on a lot of great intimacy and connection with your spouse in your marriage bed.
This rule applies to everything from perfecting a new technique in your marriage bed to trying something like cunnilingus for the first time. When you try a new technique for the first time, it’s like riding a bike. It’ll probably take a few tries to get the hang of it. If you’re trying something new in your marriage bed for the first time, you must give it a few attempts before deciding if you like it. Your body might need a few experiences before it can appreciate the stimulation being given to it.
So, keep our golden rule in mind and give a new technique or type of stimulation a good, honest try before deciding if it’s a keeper.
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El says
“You should try something at least three times before you decide if you like it or not.” This is great advice for a healthy marriage with good communication, where both spouses care deeply for each other, and are just a bit uncertain about something new.
But it should not apply universally. A no means no. If you don’t want to try something again, your partner should respect that, and if they continue to try convince you after you decide you don’t want to do it, then that is sexual coercion.
For this reason, I don’t like calling this a golden rule, because many many evangelical women are trained to not listen to their bodies and what feels good, so having yet another rule that tells them to ignore their body is the general opposite of what evangelical women need to hear now. Women need to hear that God designed their bodies to experience pleasure, and that their desires MATTER, both to God and their partners.
A better version of this “golden rule”: If you are unsure of a new sex technique, try it a few times. But if you don’t like it, stop and try something else.
(There are SO MANY different techniques there is no point in staying with something you don’t like.)