This post was re-published and modified to fit this web site’s content with permission from Christian-friendly Sex Positions. The difficulty with talking to a spouse about trying something new during sex comes up often in the comments and emails sent to us, so I thought this post would help some people.
The familiar sexual pattern of always using the same sex positions or sexual techniques you’ve perfected to get both of you “there” can feel comforting and loving. If you’re lucky enough to have figured out a sexual pattern that works, that’s great, but sometimes it can get stale. That’s why it’s always good to try something new during sex. Who knows, maybe that new thing will be incorporated into a new, better sexual pattern both of you enjoy.
Whether you want to try a new sex position from CFSPs, foreplay technique you read about here at Marriage Bed Tips, or vibrator you’ve had your eye on at MarriedDance, bringing up the topic can be very intimidating. Hopefully, the tips in this post will help talking to your spouse about trying something new in bed easier and more effective.
#1 Don’t Bring It Up During Sex
Bringing up that you want to try something new in bed while having sex with your spouse is not the best idea. Your spouse might be onboard with the new “thing” you’re suggesting, but they might need time to process it and decide if it’s something they want to take part in.
Asking to try something new during sex also puts pressure on your spouse to go along with your request even though they might not feel comfortable doing so. This can lead to them feeling regret afterward and could end up hurting your relationship and trust.
#2 Best Time to Bring It Up
The best time to bring up something new that you want to try during sex is when you and your spouse are alone, and both of you have time to talk about and process it. A walk around the block, during a car ride, or during cuddle time with no expectations for sex are all great times to bring up your fantasy.
Tip: Having a conversation when you are not face-to-face with your spouse helps reduce your anxiety and awkwardness. That’s why we suggest having the discussion during a walk or car ride.
#3 Be Specific About What You Want to Try
Be clear and specific about what you want to try in bed. It might feel awkward, but it’s imperative not to be vague about your request so that your spouse doesn’t agree to something they might regret or make them feel dirty later.
#4 Write It Down
Writing your thoughts down gives you a chance to clarify what you want and decide if it’s something you really want to bring up. If your self-consciousness doesn’t let you speak your request out loud, let your spouse read it with you.
#5 Start With Small Things
Practice talking to your spouse about trying slightly new or different things in bed. For example, let’s say when enjoying the Doggy Style Sex Position the wife simply holds that pose while her husband makes love to her from behind. The husband can make a small suggestion that she pushes back as he thrusts into her. Something such as this would be a good place to start.
Once you get comfortable and more confident with talking about sex with your spouse and suggesting new things to try during sex, you can move on to bolder things.
#6 Don’t Forget to Ask About Them, Too
Now that you’ve opened up to your spouse about trying something new during sex ask them if there’s something they want to try. Your new sense of adventure in the bedroom is likely to spur curiosity in them, too.
If you keep an open dialog about sex in your marriage, I’m sure sexy time will more often than not be a great time!
Do you have any tips for suggesting trying something new in bed with your spouse? Leave them in the comments and help other couples add adventure to their marriage bed!
Join thousands of couples, sign up for our email newsletter, and get notified of new techniques as soon as they're published.
Certainly food for thought.
Wondering if starting a weekly or monthly dialog regarding “Adjustments of our romance” with your spouse would set a productive discussion rather than feeling awkward about bringing up a topic ad hoc. I would think it would actually arouse partners because they would (should) look forward to a planned discussion about new things. “Hi honey! It’s Friday night romance adjustment time. I’ll uncork the wine!” 🙂
Marriage Bed Tips says
That’s a great idea, Geoff. I’ll add it to this post!